I Think I Wanna Go Pro, But...

I've never been so much in love with a game before I met League of Legends.
Yeah I was just that random kid in a weird group with weird people talking about things that had no future (according to adults a decade ago).
I was that kid who loved video games so much I saved money from my weekly pocket money to buy PS2 games every week.
I was that kid who woke up early at 5 in the morning just so that I can play alone and without any disturbance from a sleeping little brother.
I was that kid who bought comics and magazines just because they have news on new and upcoming games for that year.

Little to say I've been growing up with video games like a snail with its shell. I'm not talented in gaming, I don't have professional level skills. But I love video games. And it would be my dream come true, if I can make a living from PLAYING video games. I thought it would be a good idea to try going into tourneys so I can improve myself and be at a higher level.

The challenges are many though.
Firstly one of my teammates isn't exactly studying in a local university, so I don't get to see him often. Plus he lives far away from my neighborhood.
Secondly, I've got teammates who are only in for their personal glory and satisfaction. It's not that bad if they manage to benefit the team indirectly. But it gets annoying when YOU have to be the one to step down from a fight (not a literal one) because you just had to take care of their feelings.
Thirdly, it's hard to find motivation in an atmosphere where people play just for fun. And that's it. You can't (I mean it's hard, not that it's impossible) find people who are in the game so they can go pro.
Fourth, we got the typical society where random/weird/no-future-kinda-shit stuff are looked at as if it's the most craziest idea since Sylvester Stallone wanted to be the lead actor for Rocky. I mean, they don't get much positive feedback from the.. typical community.

Sure wish I could find that motivation to strive for success.

Fizzy

Updating Blog Plus A Little On Games

Day number (something) of my 'captivity'. Today I have been-

Okay enough of that I don't even know what to type. Simply saying I usually just type stuff I don't want to tell people here. I mean, verbally. As I know I won't get any replies/reactions/comments from the people I know in my daily life. Is that considered running away from your problems?

Let's just say it's okay. I mean, I managed to study a bit for tomorrow's test. A friend of mine asked "are you well prepared?". I just replied, "Nope! I am prepared, but not well prepared."

The reason being now I can't get out of the exam halls the moment I finish writing whatever I need to write in the answer booklet. Say the exam is around three hours, so basically I have to stay in the hall for three hours, even though I have finished writing whatever that is needed around one hour after the exam has started.

A bit true, with a little sprinkle of lie in there. It's not wrong for me to be well-prepared. I can answer everything if I am well-prepared. What's wrong with that? The problem is I don't know what to do with the spare time. That's it. No really, that's IT. Nothing more, nothing less.

Exams aside, my games are going well I guess. Haven't touched Neverwinter Online for quite some time now. Just played two games of league (of legends) just now. Won both of them. I had good teammates, so in the end I will always have fun with good teammates. It's either I had fun from winning, or I had fun communicating with them. It's hard to find decent players now. I mean those who are temperate (googles the meaning of the word to make sure I actually used it correctly, yeah it's a habit).

I made four characters in Star Wars: The Old Republic. One of them is already at max level (for Free-to-Play players that is, at 50 to be exact).

Another one is at level 35 if I'm not mistaken, already finished the first chapter. I just need to finish the second one for me to get extra buffs then I think I'm gonna go on the Bounty Hunter or the Smuggler. I find their stories to be more interesting than the Inquisitor (the level 35).

Apart from that, I need to focus on my final examinations and just enjoy the two weeks of holidays in the online world. I guess that's all for now. Kinda sleepy. Just wanna keep my blog updated -w-

Fizzy

Study / More Posts Than Usual?

I tried looking at the notes. Just looked at it. I don't feel the need to actually read them at all. It's not something that I'm proud of. I might get kicked out because of this. I want to read, but I can't. What should I do?? ;_;

I don't wanna post about this in Facebook. It's not something that I would like to share with the whole world. ):

I WANNA STUDY! ;_;

Fizzy.

Chaos Within

I feel like the old turtle from Kung Fu Panda. What his name.. I don't remember. But it's this guy:

All inner peace and stuff. I feel this pain within which i can't describe at all. It just hurts, amplified at night. It ain't a health problem that's fo sho. Still..

I'm just try my best to study. I feel like failing ):

Fizzy.

I'm Still Alive. Thankfully.

Good morning ladies and gents who somehow stumble upon tis blog of mine. Hi Rose, I miss you. Not sexually. Tangy too. 

You both are the two people who come in mine whenever I remember to go back to my blog. Anyways I'ma story a little longer than usual today. Usually it's just one very short post and then I'm done because I'm lazy and busy.

I know I haven't checked your blogs, like, at all. Forgive me for being selfish. I'm just going bonkers with real life right now I somehow wish this (LIFE) is a game so I can actually load from somewhere and fix my mistakes.

Anyways, I'm busy with events, skipping classes, not being normal, play games to forget my problems, and other stuff which I can't remember even though I'm trying right now.

I've skipped classes too much, and just now around the noon I think, the Dean of my faculty herself called me to warn me about the amount of me skipping classes for this semester. I can't fix it anymore so I kinda don't understand why she did that. Because she said she can just bar me from the finals, I sorta wish she doesn't.

There's an event going on tomorrow around 3 pm I think. I can't remember, it's 2 am in the morning and I'm just typing stuff here that happened today hoping that I'll be okay after I hit the "Publish" button. A major part of me is being skeptical and pessimistic though. About the event, it's a Teacher's Day celebration kind of thing filled with performances. I'm usually the emcee but this time I put the job aside so I can help the other two emcees do their jobs well (intonation, pronunciation, etc.)

I'm really hoping right now I don't get barred from the finals. Right now my CGPA is around 2.5, something. If I get barred I'm gonna fail the subjects this short semester and basically... as much as I don't want to think about it, 'cause it has happened before -- get kicked out of the current university. God help me compose myself and get myself together.

This is one of the longest post in the very long while. I honestly don't even think people are going to read this. To summarize my life right now, I have received many, and I do mean, MANY, chances and opportunities to fix myself. But after some time, like after those chances are gone, do I notice that they were in fact, chances to improve my life.

Oh and the best part I even, for the first time, thought about taking my own life. But of course it won't happen. I'm still strong somewhere inside. I just thought about it. Something like what will happen if  I die kill myself? Stuff like that. I've never thought about it before. There's always a first time I guess.

Final paragraph, I didn't scroll up at all. I just keep typing and typing and really hope this very long post can somehow fix a small percentage of myself. I'm still smiling, still trying to enjoy life, but it's like life is saying "you suck" all way. I thought about going back up and highlighting or bolding the important parts so you people won't waste your time reading this long post. But again, I'm very sorry, really, really sorry for being selfish. I promise to check your blogs (Rose/Tangerine) when I remember AND have the time. It has been awhile.

Still surviving.

Fizzy.